Free at Last

Now that everyone knows, I can blog about my recent job-related adventures... perhaps too late for anyone to care. I have spent the last month in the process of interviewing for and accepting a position at the Bureau of Education & Research (otherwise known as BER). I will be traveling the US (and some parts of Canada), flying or driving to a different city 6 days a week, facilitating seminars for educational professionals, and generally testing every fiber of my being.

It was an intense, four interview process, culminating in an interview with the owner of the company who also just happens to be my roommate's boyfriend's father... but following that interview they offered the job, and I was ready to sign. It was a combination of many things that led to such an abrupt change, dropping away from science so whole-heartedly... Partly some of my co-workers, partly my own disinterest for what I was actually doing on a daily basis, partly the fact that I cannot see myself continuing on either in a lab tech position or in a graduate school program in the field, and partly because I was falling deeper and deeper into a hole that I was becoming defined by.

At some point I became defined as a nerd, an outcast, a dork, and what-have-you, and ever since I've been in the out-group. I found myself just like other people who strive to be original and a-typical but fall into simply defining themselves by a separate set of guidelines. I closed myself off to people because they weren't part of my "antisocial nature," that I insisted was inherent to my personality. Turns out, I'm pretty damn social and love to have attention and in-depth conversations one-on-one with people. I'm not necessarily as inclined to be social in the same ways as other friends are, but I have my own way that does not require definition or judgment. I may be a bit quieter, less a leader of the pack, or slightly off-beat when it comes to interests, but that makes me more interesting rather than less.

So this new job will help me turn the corner, leave the out-group behind, and try a high school-esque situation over again. I don't have to be the "popular girl" but I don't have to be an outcast. I just have to be me, put myself out there for who I am, and just let things roll instead of trying to control every step of the process.

My co-workers were shocked, as they should have been. I didn't let anyone know I was going to quit until I dropped the bomb to my boss yesterday afternoon. Some are madder than others but altogether I think most realize that I am doing what's best for me. I think some are impressed with my courage to step off the moving train, and I'll admit, I'm a little bit impressed too.